Ketchup is God's man juice
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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