cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So many bounce houses so little time
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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