How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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