There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
