So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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