hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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