The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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