If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize