Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
