We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
