You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
