I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
