...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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