the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
