Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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