I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
