So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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