I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize