I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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