my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize