no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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