he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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