Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I puked a lego.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
