You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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