Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
