oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
