what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
