Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
