The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
