Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
