i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize