Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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