the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
