There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
