i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
