the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize