I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
