I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
