I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
