The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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