cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
