Can i not drive my cunt home
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
