But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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