There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Randomize
