Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
