You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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