I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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