my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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