Swine flu is the new snow day.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
