Say something about gay babies.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
