My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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