If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
