Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
