OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
