i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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