dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
