dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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