I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think my moral compass just broke
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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