Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
