The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
