so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
