I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
