Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
