There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
