you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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