I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize