I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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