is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
