i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I am spending my child support on dildos
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
