i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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