omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
