Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
