she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How external is "for external use only"?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
