Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
