but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
