You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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