I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Someone signed my nipple.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
