No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
