we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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