my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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