i don't like sucking hair
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
