oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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