i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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