How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
