I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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