im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
