he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
