so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
