at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
