So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
