Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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