dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize