I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
